Sexual Abuse and Incest
The Effects of Child Sexual Abuse on an Adult Survivor
Source: Survivors of Incest Anonymous, Inc.
Any sexual contact between a child and a trusted individual that damages the child, whether covert or overt, whether flirtation or sexual intercourse, needs to be dealt with assertively. It scars virtually all facets of the victim's life, since she is left with little or no self-esteem.
At least one out of five boys and one out of four girls will be abused before they reach the age of 18. The child’s emotional growth will be stifled at the age of the first attack, and the victim will probably not begin to recover until adulthood, if ever.
Boys as well as girls can be victims of sexual abuse. Anyone can be an abuser, especially if he is perceived by the child to be someone in authority, including a brother, uncle, friend of the family, aunt or teacher -- the list is endless. However, for the sake of clarity, we will refer to the victim as a girl and the abuser as her father.
Some of the social maladjustments arising from incest are alcoholism, drug addiction, prostitution and promiscuity. Eating or sleeping disorders, migraines and back or stomach pains are just a few of the physical consequences that a victim may suffer. Food, sex, alcohol and/or drugs deaden painful memories of the abuse and expel reality temporarily. If a victim perceives obesity to be unattractive, and if she believes she was abused because she was pretty, she may overeat in a misguided attempt to defend herself from further sexual assault. "I felt like throwing up" is a common response among victims, and bulimia is a way of acting out that feeling. Anorexia is another form of self-punishment, eventually leading to the ultimate self-victimization, suicide.
Many emotional problems can emerge from the abuse, including inability to trust, perfectionism, phobias and avoidance of both intimacy and emotional bonding. The denial system that insured the victim's survival as a child now prevents her from enjoying an unencumbered adulthood. She doesn't trust her own perceptions; she was forced to become an expert in disbelieving her own senses. She tries to convince herself that she overreacted--that nothing really terrible happened: "My daddy would never REALLY hurt me." When reality is too painful for a child s mind, she learns to fictionalize. It is extremely painful to give up a fantasy family, since children see themselves either in reflected glory or disgraced shadows. Therefore, the victim makes excuses for the abuser: "He was drunk at the time. He had it rough as a child." She takes responsibility for the assaults: "I was too pretty, too sexy." Her father probably reinforced her own nagging guilt and questions she had concerning her own innocence. Essentially, the victim defends her father by minimizing, rationalizing and taking the blame on herself. If she continues to use these coping mechanisms as an adult, she is set up to be abused in her current relationships. In Survivors of Incest Anonymous, she can learn to accept the fact that she was abused rather than loved by her father. She can then learn to seek out only healthy, loving relationships. She has been accustomed to accepting only crumbs, believing that she does not deserve anything better.
The victim may have parenting problems and be always second-guessing her decisions, which is another result of distrusting her own perceptions. A victim may avoid parenting altogether, try to be a perfect parent or repeat the abuse. The worst possible consequence is when a victim perpetuates the abuse onto the next generation.
Another repercussion of incest is that victims often regard authority figures with anxiety. Passivity is comfortable because it is familiar, and she may accept familiar misery rather than risk unfamiliar change. An experiment was conducted in which dogs were forced to endure painful electric shocks without any means of escape. A second group of dogs were compelled to endure shocks and quickly escaped when it was possible. When the first group was shocked again, with escape now possible, they did not leave. They had been conditioned to endure pain. This experiment suggests why so many victims are sexually abused as adults by therapists, counselors, doctors or bosses. Victims are accustomed to losing battles and feeling powerless. Victims do not believe they can win. Assertion is a difficult concept for an incest victim.
The victim's inability to trust affects her feelings about members of the opposite sex. Women who have been abused by men will often say, "I don't trust any men; they only want sex." Often, boys who are abused by more than one male feel compelled to believe they MUST BE homosexual. The assaults have been emotionally or physically pleasurable to the victim, and this fact reinforces the suspicion that he himself must be made a homosexual: "Both my uncle and a male teacher were attracted to me, and since it felt good to me, I liked it, so I must be gay." In defense of the abuser, he may say, "I am the one who is gay and my abuser sensed it, that's all."
Another result of the conflicting messages of incest is that many victims confuse sex with affection and love. Many women will say, "The only time my father ever gave me any attention was in bed. I was special to him then. I felt loved." Since she desperately needs validation, this woman is likely to become promiscuous. She needs to know that a promiscuous child is often the result, but never the cause, of incest. She believes that if someone has sex with her, then he automatically loves her. She has made an unfortunate mistake by confusing sex and love.
When the abuse is physically violent, maybe even painful, she may confuse sex with control and power. A typical comment might be, "When I have sex with someone, I feel like he is controlling my body. I feel that as I respond to him, he is manipulating me, and I am a puppet all over again." This woman may shut off all sexual feelings and retreat from all sexual contact; she fears that no one would validate her.
Changing self-destructive patterns is a slow process, but in SIA she can learn that it is possible. It takes tremendous strength for a victim to put herself in a position to feel this pain. The victim needs incredible courage and reliable professional help. Survivors of Incest Anonymous, a 12-step recovery program, is an available resource for the adult survivor. A statement read at the end of each SIA meeting reminds us: "The pain is temporary; denial and its consequences are forever." When the victim tires of the consequences and becomes willing to work diligently on the incest issue, she is then on the way to living her life as a survivor rather than a victim.
Recommended Reading
May 23, 2002 -- I just read this book, and it is the best book I have ever found on this topic.
Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse: Practical Self-help
for Adults Who Were Sexually Abused as Children
The Wounded Heart
By Dan Allender
An intensely personal and specific look at the most "soul-deadening" form of abuse, sexual abuse. It is personal because the issue may be affecting you, your spouse, a close friend or neighbor or someone you know well at church. And it is specific because it goes well beyond the general issues and solutions discussed in other books.
I Never Told Anyone: Writings by Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
by Ellen Bass, Louise Thornton
A reissue of the now-classic anthology (with more than 60,000 copies sold) of deeply moving testimonies by survivors of child sexual abuse--with a new afterword by Ellen Bass, co-author of The Courage to Heal.
When Rabbit Howls
by Truddi Chase
To escape the horror of violent abuse, the 2-year-old child "went to sleep" and created the inner world of the “Troops”--the 92 voices that shielded her from pain, but that she didn't know existed until adulthood. This is a journey through the fragmented world of the multiple personality (DID)--told by the Troop.
The Courage to Heal Workbook For Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
by Laura Davis
In this groundbreaking companion volume to The Courage to Heal, Laura Davis has created an inspiring, innovative, in-depth workbook for all women and men suffering from the effects of childhood sexual abuse.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, Featuring Honoring the Truth: A Response to the Backlash
by Ellen Bass, Laura Davis
An updated and revised edition of the classic best-selling guide (more than 700,000 copies sold) that has inspired millions of women survivors of child sexual abuse and helped them down the road to recovery.
Adult Survivors Speak Out!
WARNING: The experiences on this page may trigger the memories of survivors; please read with caution. Through the sharing of our lives and stories, we help ourselves heal, and hopefully help others not feel so alone with this horrible crime that changes the lives of so many forever.
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I don't have time for all the airy-fairy, "let’s gather crystals and dance naked under the moon" bullshit. I’m angry, and if I find one of those bastards who abused me, I’ll rip their necks out with my bare teeth. Men have no idea of the effect that taking a child’s innocence away has on later life. As they "get off" with girls who are at the time powerless, they would not care even if they did know how they are affecting a whole life. The shame of never feeling as good as others, and worst of all, that deep, heavy, dark shadow that is always sitting there inside, like someone downloaded a program into you when you were being manufactured and you can't erase it. I wish some men could be erased. I will heal one day, but there will NEVER be forgiveness.--Someone in Australia
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I was sexually abused by my stepfather for years. At first it was strange to me. I think I was about 5 years old when he used to brush up against me; I didn't know why he did that. Later he went on to fondle my genitals. I believe this went on for about 8 years, although I still have periods of time that I really can’t account for--like I was watching a movie and missed part of it. BUT, I do know it was all very real. I think it’s different when you are a man. Young boys are often sexually aroused when fondled, that's just a reflex by the body, but adds to the guilt and shame of it all. It just made it more confusing to me. I hated this man, I didn't want him to touch me, and yet I would get an erection. I am told this is normal. I am still trying to remember that I didn't ask to be touched!!!
When I was around age 10, he started to rape me. He said no one would believe me if I told, and that I would be sent to a foster home, away from my sister who I loved very much. I never told anyone until I was 15; then I told a teacher who knew that I was depressed; years later, I found out she had been abused, too. Back then, I used to kind of leave my body and go away into a dream world where he was not, and when the abuse was done I would return. I had nightmares for years. I couldn't wait until I was old enough to get the hell out of there and go into the Air Force. I later went to college, but the abuse has touched every part of my life. I have two children of my own now; I can't imagine ever doing something so awful to my children. I don't know why some people are pedophiles. I just have to live my life the best that I can. I had to break all ties with my mother and stepfather when I went into the Air Force, and I do not regret that. (I’m not suggesting that this is the correct thing to do.)
If a child, teen or an adult tells you they were abused, just listen to them. No one lies about this nightmare. Thank you for reading this. I hope it helps someone.--Mark H., Baltimore, U.S.A.
Thanks to you all. More soon; silence helps no one but the abuser.
Member Comments
by Andaryus on November 5, 2008 at 5:12 PM
Hi I just was told by my bf that he was sexually abused when he was a child... he told me he had never told anyone... ever!! he swore me to secracy.. I love him dearly but the mood swings, displaced anger and drug abuse is getting excessive... I'm way over my head here... any advise?? andaryus@excite.com
by koracarter on December 8, 2008 at 8:04 PM
You are very brave. I was abused by my step-grandfather and by my stepfather. It was a horrible thing to live through and I totally understand where you are coming from. When I finally told, my mother believed me and choose to stay with the man that had raped a little girl. So, I left when I was 18 (now 41) and haven't spoken to my mother since then. It is very hard sometimes, but I had to move on with my life. I have 2 children and a loving husband. He knows what happened to me and loves me very much. I went through couseling in college and I had a wonderful counselor who made me see that I am someone special and that I matter in this world. I don't think he ever realized how much he helped me. The one thing that makes me so proud is that my children never have to live through such a horrible thing. If someone ever did that to my children I don't know what I would do but it wouldn't be pretty. YOU are a brave man and I think that makes you more of a man for standing up to what you believe in!!!!
by stillcrazy on December 18, 2008 at 9:01 PM
i was a sexually abused child and am still suffering the horrible after effects at almost 50yrs. I never told anyone until my counsler figured it out when I was 30. I have been in and out of counseling since. Now I feel more fragile and confused than ever. two years ago after a major meltdown, I went to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder among other things(ADD,depression,and about 3 other disorders). Well, my counseler at the time told me she didn't see the borderline thing, frankly i'm not sure but, i do know if you are diagnosed with it, you wind up feeling abused again by psychiatrist and it seems almost everone else in the mental health field. pretty much i feel like i'm being treated as a nuisance (just by asking a question of my psychiatrist) and that i need to just get over it that my complaints of depression and uncontrollable emotions are my fault, that i don't want help, that i'm a freak or somehow enjoy this hell. i feel this diagnosis has set me way back. i told my psychiatrist 2 days ago how rude and cruel he was and now have to find another so i can get my scripts. this really sucks. are all psychiatrist like him? (arrogant,cold, hateful)
by greenbee on January 27, 2009 at 6:54 PM
stillcrazy, I was just looking online...again...for more info and I came across your post. I have also been through the BPD diagnosis, time and again (!), and yes, if you question the professionals you are being confrontational and therefore again fit the diagnostic criteria. I felt it was a slap in the face, I questioned my judgement again, and by doing this I was putting the power in their hands, back in the hands of someone who did not care, who felt it was ok to blame the victim. I live in the UK, I have experienced different abuses and I am a woman. I have drawn the conclusion that it is better for the 'general order' to blame the victim than to blame the abuser - imagine the whole of society would turn on it's ass! Please please do not take it on board, do not own it, it isn't yours, read Dorothy Rowe (psychologist) about BPD. I am anti-psychiatry (as you can probably tell), I have found counselling helpful, and self help. I am now training as a person-centered counsellor. 6 years ago I was detained in a psychiatric hospital...I got out the other side by listening to myself, no medical support what so ever, just by facing and really listening to myself: 'Have faith, stay as strong as you have been, hold on to yourself, have a little revolution, you have the capacity to look after yourself, even when others don't'.
by greenbee on January 27, 2009 at 6:54 PM
stillcrazy, I was just looking online...again...for more info and I came across your post. I have also been through the BPD diagnosis, time and again (!), and yes, if you question the professionals you are being confrontational and therefore again fit the diagnostic criteria. I felt it was a slap in the face, I questioned my judgement again, and by doing this I was putting the power in their hands, back in the hands of someone who did not care, who felt it was ok to blame the victim. I live in the UK, I have experienced different abuses and I am a woman. I have drawn the conclusion that it is better for the 'general order' to blame the victim than to blame the abuser - imagine the whole of society would turn on it's ass! Please please do not take it on board, do not own it, it isn't yours, read Dorothy Rowe (psychologist) about BPD. I am anti-psychiatry (as you can probably tell), I have found counselling helpful, and self help. I am now training as a person-centered counsellor. 6 years ago I was detained in a psychiatric hospital...I got out the other side by listening to myself, no medical support what so ever, just by facing and really listening to myself: 'Have faith, stay as strong as you have been, hold on to yourself, have a little revolution, you have the capacity to look after yourself, even when others don't'.
by SassyBrat on December 21, 2008 at 12:19 AM
I was sexually abused by my father from the ages of 4 yrs old til 8 yrs old...Then I was forced to live w/ him at the age of 13 yrs old to 14 yrs old...At this time I was abused repeatly not only by my father, but he allowed a few of his friends to join in...I am in counseling for it...Its been really rough dealing w/ lately...I have been in counseling for about 8 or so yrs now...I am working w/ my 2nd counselor...I have been able to open up to her more than I did w/ the 1st one...But its still hard!!!! I am struggling w/ the fact, I knew in the back of my mind it had happened even tho I may not remember everything, but bringing it to the surface...talking and writting about it makes it so much more reality than anything and its scarey as heck...I am not sure where to go w/ everything...I have also been raped as an adult, the last one was back in 2006...I have a pretty good support system, but they dont always know what to do or understand what I may b going through, bc they havent been through what I have...I would like to find a group I can join to meet other ppl like me...
by Jillbrine on December 29, 2008 at 2:07 PM
Hello. This is the first time I have ever done this. I was sexually abused by my great uncle from age 12 to 15. I am now 45 years old. I have been married now 3 times. I have always had trouble in my relationships with men. I dont know how to be "sexual" I am embarrassed and ashamed of my body and anything that "feels" good. I relate it to the years of abuse. My current husband is of no help. I have been to alot of counseling. I have learned to identify what is a trigger, and communicate this with him. My problem is that he doesnt seem to care. He has continued to do the "same" things that I have told him are triggers for the last 10 years. Now, he tells me its my fault. That I need more counseling. Not his fault for not respecting my wishes or feelings. I feel like a victim all ofer again. I dont know how to get him to understand . Intellectually, I know it isnt my fault, but he truly makes me feel that there is something wrong with me, and that is why, and it is up to me to fix it. Not that he needs to do anything different. I need to be the one to accept it and move on. Help
by aklop on February 2, 2009 at 5:37 PM
Hi
by aklop on February 2, 2009 at 5:46 PM
Hi Jillbrine,
I don't think you should be married to this man if he is not prepared to understand or atleast acknowledge how you feel.
You are being very open and honest and looking to make progress through this, you need support, love and understanding, none of which this man is offering you.
I would think you need to be completely open, honest and upfront with him and tell him that you feel your feelings are not being understood or acknowledged.
If after this, he is still not prepared to listen, understand, acknowledge and support you, then I think it is maybe time to consider; does he really love you? Is he the right man to be with at this point in time? I really feel that having a negative support, probably does more damage than having no support. The negative support will not help you to accept these feelings and deal with your past. You put it in your own words: "Now, he tells me its my fault. That I need......I need to be the one to accept it and move on" Re read your entry. It is crazy to have to live with this.
Hope you are well.
by Constant on January 4, 2009 at 12:56 PM
What happened to me was not nearly as bad as what others have gone through. I was abused 4 times when I was young, and only once was it a family member. The effects just won't go away, though. It feels like I cannot grow up inside. As if I'm still ten years old. And I can't relax around men, though I long to be with someone; I cannot let anyone into my personal space. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have at least two other friends who were abused worse that I was, who met and married great men. But for some reason I can't let my guard down and can't relax. I fear that I will never escape this, and will alwas be alone.
by zeller91 on April 23, 2009 at 3:00 PM
i also was abuse by my father.it started around the age of 6 with general fondaling, he would wake me up in the middle of the night while everyone was asleep. it quickly grew in to oral sex and he would ejaculate in his hand. by the age of 13 he was trying to have intercourse with me. i dealt with it in 2 ways. one, i went off into a dream land where nothing bad could happen to me. when it was over i would come back to myself, during this period i remember very little. i kind of compare it to "blacking out", but i know if i start to dig at it i can remember. Throughout my life i have had horrible bouts with nightmares and sleeping disorders, all of which i contribute to him. My second way of dealing with it was that i referred to my dad as two seperater people. my daddy was the person that loved me and would never let any harm come to me. the other was my father, who hurt me and did horrible thing to me.
by unbeatensnail on June 23, 2009 at 7:54 PM
I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was 5 years old. It went on for about 2 years. My parents had divorced and my mom took my brother and I from CA. to FL. She needed a sitter so she could work and my uncle was glad to help out. He took advantage of her naivety. When I told my mom everything when I turned 12. My uncle stormed over to our house with his then *girlfriend calling me a liar. I would not come out of my room because I horrified. I wish I could go back to that day. His *wife and him had 3 boys. Last month I saw him uptown with his wife and granddaughter who is about 6 years old. I physically became ill. I know he is abusing her! The only solution I can come up with would put me in prison. I hate him so much!
by magic_mushroom on June 30, 2009 at 6:59 AM
Hi there.
I believe that I was sexually abused by my grandfather when I was 6, but I'm not sure. From my recollection, when my mother found out about it, she tried to make me forget about it. I was constantly reassured and told I was the best thing since sliced bread. I have always had problems making friends & at the age of 34 have never even kissed a girl before. For 10 years I have been walking in a psycotic haze and have been diagnosed with psychosis recently. This is my dilmna. Am i making things up? Did these things really happen to me? I certainly have very big self esteem issues and feel like I can never really be myself around people. My mother keeps denying that anything really happened to me so I really don't know.
by carebass on July 30, 2009 at 9:51 AM
I was sexually abused by my aunt's husband when I was 7. I told my parents who really didn't do anything about it. Then from the ages of 10 to 12 years old, my sister made me do horrible things with her. She would threaten to tell my parents that I had lied about my aunt's husband, or really had liked it. She moved away when she turned 18. I honestly had forgotten what she had done to me until she moved back 3 years ago. I never told anyone until last month. I finally told my wonderful and loving husband of 10 years. Telling him was so hard. I felt dirty and like I was going through it all over again, but at the same time freeing. Now I don't know what to do. The box can't be closed again since it has been opened. Do I tell my parents all these years later? I feel like I need to confront her, but I'm scared to because I don't want to hear what she has to say and I really don't ever want to see or talk to her again. I know I need counselling, but how could my older sister do that to me when she was supposed to love and protect me! I'm very angry at her and myself.
by anonymous76 on August 14, 2009 at 6:19 AM
Was I sexually abused as a child?
I have been asking myself that question a million times.
How does one know?
In my country talking about sex is a taboo, telling your mother or someone else you trust is a dangerous thing to do.
As a child I remember being obsessed with sex I was four or five when I started to have sex with little boy's at my age.
Now as a grown up, I often feel ashamed or guilty that I did something very bad when I have sex with my husband.
I don't have a good relationship with my father, as a teenager he used to physically abuse me, even tried to kill me twice and always called me a devils child.
I don't remember him abusing me sexually as a child, but whenever I visit my parents during holidays, seeing my father around children, my sisters children bothers me to the point that I want to vomit and I want to run to protect them from him, but I cant instead I go somewhere else.
I also noticed my father staring at me in an inappropriate way.
Does this mean he sexually abused me as a child?
And why cant I remember what happened then?
I can't talk to anyone in my family about this, I'm too ashamed.
Coming from a Muslim family, I would be banned from the rest of my family or worse.
by eamern on August 26, 2009 at 5:08 PM
I have been in therapy off and on for the last 38 years. And I had no idea about the sexual abuse my father did to me until 12 years ago after a trauma that caused me to start remembering. I still don't remember most of the details becaue I am so good at disassociation. Which is for me a direct result of the trauma that I was unable to deal with as a child. I just simply went away mentally. I struggled with "did it really happen??" for so long.......and made a breakthrough just today...you see I did tell as a child and was not believed. I learned not to trust myself. After all how could that horrible thing really have happened? Especially when my mother didn't believe me? She was (and still is) right in everything so I must have been wrong. But I wasn't wrong. She was. And it did happen. And it was horrible. And it has affected me me in ways that I don't even realize yet. I have FINALLY found the right therapist. I am 53 years old now and I want my life back. And I intend to get it. So did it happen to you? I don't know..........I am no expert. But how you feel, how you think, even how you act sounds so familiar to me. I will pray for me and you.
by abusedNsuicidal on September 26, 2009 at 9:51 PM
hi
by abusedNsuicidal on September 26, 2009 at 10:04 PM
Hi im 17 and the last time i can remember my dad sexually abusing me was just in 2008 novemberish he always tells me that hes my dad and i need to respect him!! HOW CAN I RESPECT SOME ONE THAT RUINED ME INSIDE i feel so trapped because if i tell my mom they would just fight alllll the time cause they cant afford a divorce or we will be out on the street. no one knows im sexually abused except my sister in college cause she was abused to but she luckly got out of the house i want to tell my friend that i would trust with my life but im scared if i do that things wont be the same im depressed all the time and whenever i tell my friends that i want my dad to die they say im being over dramatic if only they knew why i hate him so much im still at home with my pedophile dad and my mom has no idea what kind of guy he is. my friends always tell me im gonna go to hell for wanting my dad dead but IM ALREADY IN MY OWN HELL i have to look at the BASTARD that ruined my life FOR HIS OWN SEXUAL PLEASURES i used to make excuses when he was creepy with my friends like when he tried to look down my friends shirt when we were 9 cause she spilled water on her shirt i just thought he was trying to see if she got wet but that was FAR from his intentions. everytime i here that someone died i wish that it could of been me or i think how easy it would be to just leave the garage door closed and leave my car on and just slip away but i dont know why i havent
by tragichild on October 1, 2009 at 11:32 AM
I just started going for counseling. I have been sexual abused by my brother for almost the entire span of my life. I am known by friends and family as the go to person, the fix it person, and really pretty bitchy. BUT for some reason I just step outside myself when this comes up. I have completely stopped seeing or taking calls from my brother, when there is a family function, I make excuses for my children and I. I also finally explained to my children to PLEASE NOT take any gifts from your uncle. I said it was because I feel bad not being able to pay for stuff myself. (I am out of work) BUT really it is because he will make me pay for it in other ways. I can write this but to speak it makes me physically sick. I just need to know after trying to talk about this stuff do you feel better? Because right now I feel myself slipping away and just trying to live like I have been, like it happened to someone else and not me, never me. I feel there are two sides of me and I don't want to look at the one my brother abused. I want to be the mom who taxis their kids around and goes to games and cheers them on. Not the person that all I need to do is catch a whiff of a certain smell or see a certain item in my house and I disappear. I run inside myself and I don't come back for a long time.
by Suvivor1980 on October 9, 2009 at 7:01 PM
At the age of 3 I was molested by my mother, at age 4 raped by my father, age 11 molested by two boy cousins, age 16 raped by a boy cousin. My life has been full of abuse. My parents used to lock my brother and I in a closet during storms to keep us "safe" I am terrified of storms and small spaces now. I have spent my life not trusting anyone. Until I met my husband he has been the one constant in my life. Last year I finally told him about all of the above plus much more that I will spare you from. We both went to counseling and I am doing better now. I am also bipolar which is genetic and made worse by the fact that my mother and father used drugs and drank while I was in the womb and during conception. The good thing is that I have two beautiful boys whom I adore. They and my husband are my world. I would never hurt a child and it hurts me to read or hear about victims. IT is so sad to know that people can be so sick. Also I have to thank God for my healing for without him I do not know where I would be. Probably not sharing my success with all of you. There is hope just have faith and try working through The Wounded Heart and the Workbook that goes with it. I did this with a counselor and it helped me so much.
by BeTruetoYou on October 13, 2009 at 6:57 PM
This terrible epidemic of child sexual abuse MUST BE STOPPED. When are people going to wake up! I read all the above posts. My message to each of you is: Dont you ever give up, dont you ever shut up, and remember, you did not deserve it, you did not ask for it, you did not cause it.
Take care of you!!
by BobAthol on October 18, 2009 at 5:47 PM
I am a 53 year old survivor who has never talked about the abuse. I feel it most days so I need to find a group where I can talk and listen. Anyone know of groups in the Mass. area?
by JustWatching on November 11, 2009 at 1:33 PM
this is deep and i hope eveything is ok. my friend is being abused pfysically by her father and we (me and some friends) think sexually too. she always blows it off and has stopped eating for a while. her parents are both abusive but she lives with her drunk father, he doesnt deserve being called a dad ro even a man >( but anyway, she started eating again and now she eats some of my lunch. everything was getting a lil better, but her dad still controls her whole life and abuses her, she has a restraining order against her mom and she recently beat her up because of it. whenever we hangout or anything and she would punch me i would get SOO pissed and want ot punch her back , adn when i do this is what she'd say: Why'd you do that, im beaten up enough already! but then she'd punch me again and expects to get away with it, its really annoying because, even though she's going through this, that shouldnt mean that she gets away with everything. she always gives me the finger (if you know what i mean) and calls me a bitch playfully, but it mean and i've been called a bitch before by a verbally mean friend. i just need some help because she's my best friend adn we have talked to her but the guidance counselor didnt believe her another time so she's not talking. i'm just asking for help and guidance, she wants to be legally emancipated when she turns 15 but we don't think she'll live that long. her dad has: burnt her with a cigarette (3 times), shoved her head into a sink, hit her with a meat tenderizer, and possibly... molested her. we are all young (14) and we need help and prayers! please leave some suggestion!!!
by levige on November 13, 2009 at 1:33 PM
Hi, one of my friend was a victim of incest. Her story really touched me and I decided to create a blog to help others. You can freely express yourself.
http://safespace-levige.blogspot.com/
by Walllee on November 20, 2009 at 10:52 AM
Thanks for posting an article like this. My sister's daughter was abused by her own father. The facts of the situation are. she just turned 5 and god knows what he did, her skin around genitals is darkened as if with some infections, he hit her saying would you scream or cry, he hit her hard so that she won't even tell anyone. it was so hard to get things out of her . she don't trust anyone, she is so scared, she is bed wetting screaming in sleep saying a demon is attacking her and her mother . I want her to heal.
what a days lord!!!!!!!1