Dating 101

The World of Dating

Entering the world of dating is an important part of being a teenager. At one age or another, you will view your relationships with the opposite sex differently. Sometimes hormones influence you to have new feelings about members of the opposite sex (or sometimes the same sex). You might become physically attracted to your guy friend who you used to just hang out with. You may find yourself wanting to be in a "relationship."

A relationship is a friendship you have with a person that's more than just a friendship. It involves a deeper and different level of commitment to another person. It's one that identifies the two of you as being a "couple." It might mean spending your free time together, confiding in one another or just hanging out together. You might phone each other every night and talk for hours. You might go places together--like the mall or the movies. It might also mean a physical relationship--one that may involve touching, kissing and more.

What Girls Really Look For In Guys

According to an American survey, the most important qualities a boy must have for a girl to go out with him are (in this order):

Intelligence
Good looks and body (but not necessarily "handsome" features)
Being a good conversationalist; being "easy to talk to"
Sincerity and honesty; being someone who is "not just out for sex"
Confidence (but not to the point of being conceited)
Sense of humor (someone who is fun to be with)
"Well groomed, doesn't take drugs or drink alcohol to excess"
Romantic and affectionate
Popularity at school
Gentleness

What Guys Really Look For In Girls

In the same survey, boys were asked, "What are the most important qualities a girl must have for you to want to go out with her?" Here were their top 10 answers:

Good looks and a good body, but not necessarily stunning; "and if she has an awful personality, I won't ask her out again."
Friendliness
Intelligence
A sense of humor
Honesty; someone who "doesn't play head games or tease."
Similar interests and values
"She has to be able to talk to me."
Sexual honesty; "I wouldn't like her to be a prude, but I don't want her to have been out with a lot of other boys."
Being outgoing, not shy
Maturity ("I'd like her to have a serious side")

Dating is about choice. Girls and guys both have the ability to ask out anyone they find attractive, interesting or fun. What do you look for in your dating partner? If you want a happy, healthy relationship, here are some suggestions:

Acceptance

A very important part of a relationship is the way in which the two people involved handle each other's imperfections. In this world, we aren't going to be perfect or find a perfect person to love. Humans are just not perfect. Through dating, you can learn to accept the imperfections in the person you are seeing and also in other people in your life.

Connection

A relationship is about emotional connection. Your attachments to others are called "bonds." Bonds are formed and maintained via someone's ability to share and connect from the heart, with all of its feelings and emotional vulnerabilities. Sometimes we connect with another person and really don't know why, logically speaking, but we still do.

Boundaries

An important aspect of any relationship is respecting each other's personal boundaries. A boundary is an invisible line that defines where you end and someone else begins. Good relationships entail a high degree of respect for the other's "person."

Equality

Unhealthy relationships often have one partner who always has to be the boss and is the self-appointed "parent." She relates to the other person primarily in terms of "shoulds," telling him what he should and should not do. In adult relationships and marriages, this does not work out well. In a dating relationship, both people are worthy of respect. A teenage female is the equal of a teenage male and a man is the equal of a woman. Remember that.

Self-Love

It is very difficult for anyone else to like you if you don't like yourself first. Don't think that no one will ever go out with you if you are not dating anyone. When you feel good about yourself, you are more attractive to other people. If necessary, make a list of all your good qualities. This will give you confidence, and you might even discover something new about yourself. You are a special person, after all!

Adolescent dating is based more on experimenting with romantic feelings than on deep emotions of love or intimacy. This is not to say that two teenagers cannot be in love, but for many teens, the idea of having a date can often be more important that the relationship itself.


What Are Boyfriends or Girlfriends For?

A relationship should offer many things before you consider having sex. You may not find everything on the following list. As long as you both enjoy some of the benefits of a relationship, it can be a good one. You can give each other:

Company and companionship
Fun
Friendship
Happiness
Help with problems
Love
Respect
Sharing
Someone to talk to, care for, lean on, laugh with, cry with, go out with
Support
Understanding

You might not find all of these qualities in one person. Make a list for yourself and decide what is important to you!