An adult child's relationship with a parent often changes as the parent ages, and that can affect how you relate to one another. It's important to understand that your elderly mother may be learning to cope with major physical, social, psychological and financial changes in her life. If your parent is having difficulty dealing with the loss of her independence, she may resent that you must now help care for her. Although this can be a difficult time for both of you, there are things you can do to help you both adjust to your new roles in the parent/child relationship.
Step 1
Respect any differences in opinions your elderly mother may have from your own. Accept that the two of you are individuals, and be supportive of her desire to remain as independent as possible. Encourage her without making what you say sound like advice. An elderly parent sometimes has trouble accepting advice from an adult child; therefore, unless your mother specifically asks you for your advice, let someone else offer it.
Step 2
Try to honor your mother's wishes about her care whenever possible. That does not mean that you should hesitate in sharing your own feelings. You can be honest, and at the same time, reassure your mother that she can count on you to help her in adjusting to the changes in her life.
Step 3
Get your mother's opinion about any issues related to her care. Ask her to offer input about what her needs and preferences are. Listening to what she has to say shows her that you care. Involving your parent in the decision-making also helps her maintain some control over her life despite physical or cognitive limitations.
Step 4
Let your mother know about programs available in the community that offer services to the elderly. Be supportive in helping your mother make informed choices for herself. She may feel better once she realizes that she doesn't need to rely just on you for help.
Step 5
Set reasonable expectations, yet be careful of stereotypes about the elderly. The Ohio State University Medical Center underscores that older adults want respect, to be treated as individuals and to keep some control of their lives, even when their lives are affected by physical, psychological and social changes.
Step 6
Spend time alone with your mother whenever you can. Ask about her life's experiences. Not only can you learn from her, you can make her feel needed. This is one way to let your mother know that her life means something to you. Let her know just how important a part of your life she is.
Step 7
Give your mother plenty of love and affection. The American Psychological Association points out that elderly parents experience both physical changes and emotional losses in their lives, which can cause them stress. Be patient and kind to your aging mother. Talk to her in a caring tone. The APA suggests being a good listener and showing your parent empathy as she deals with declining health and grieves the loss of family members and long-time friends. Use humor to diffuse particularly stressful moments.
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