10 New Year's Resolutions Therapists Want You to Make

COVID-19 transformed our lives in many aspects — from how and where we work to how we socialize — and despite the pandemic slowing down in 2022, the remaining effects of the pandemic may change our New Year's resolutions for 2023, too.

"The pandemic [may have] given us new perspectives that make resolutions of past years — like losing 10 pounds or getting to the gym three times a week — seem irrelevant," says Tina Tessina, PhD, a psychologist in Los Angeles and author of ‌How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together‌.

This year, consider focusing on mental health as daily life stressors continue to arise. Here are 10 psychological self-care resolutions to put on your radar today.

Even before the coronavirus pandemic, there were concerns about what screen time was doing to our health. But now, the average American's screen time has gone up by about a third, to an average of about six hours daily — as opposed to four before COVID — according to a survey by glasses company Foster Grant.

While on the one hand, screens have become our window to the outside world, including work, friends and family, they can also prevent you from being fully present around the loved ones you do live with, says Courtney Hart, LCSW-C, a social worker in Bel Air, Maryland.

She recommends designating a spot for your phones — like on a tray with your car keys — during the times you're with others, like at dinner or while you're all watching a movie or playing a game.

"It's harder than it seems, as technology is made to keep pulling us back in," she says. Stick with one small change until you find that it works — like purposefully removing an app from your phone — and then add another change.

When it comes to both your physical and mental health, it pays to be positive: "You're likely to have reduced stress, a healthier immune system, lower blood pressure and a feeling of happiness and greater self-confidence," says Ellen Diamond, PhD, psychologist and owner of Ketamine Wellness Centers in Chicago.

One of the exercises Diamond recommends is to create a list, aka a "cheat sheet," of the positive things you're grateful for in your life. Keep the list handy and read it multiple times a day.

"You want to train your brain to focus on the positive," Diamond says, who even recommends that you read your list out loud while in private.

Almost half of all Americans say they are lonelier than usual since the pandemic began, according to a survey by research group ValuePenguin.

But while about half of us speak to loved ones daily, 1 in 10 also say these chats exacerbate their feelings of loneliness.

If 2022 was the year you kept to yourself, consider making 2023 the year you find ways to include even just a little more social interaction.

"This is especially true if you live alone," Diamond stresses. It can be as simple as asking a cashier or delivery person how they are doing — every interaction counts.

Almost 70 percent of people report that their sleep habits have become inconsistent during the pandemic, with over 40 percent admitting that they stay up later than they should, according to a survey by mattress company Leesa.

"Sleep is especially important during the pandemic because this is the period in which both our bodies and brains heal," says Leah Rockwell, LPC, a licensed professional counselor in Mercersburg, Pennsylvania.

Making sleep your number-one focus doesn't mean you have to neglect your "to-do" list. In fact, sleeping more might help you work through it more quickly, Rockwell says. (Ah, the power of a well-rested brain!)

"You'll also have the fortitude to readily adapt and cope with the inevitable stressors that elicit far more anxiety that they merit," she says.

While the conventional wisdom is to get seven to eight hours of shut-eye a night, Rockwell recommends instead that you do a two-week study of your sleep patterns, noticing when you go to bed and wake up on your own without an alarm.

"This will give you a framework to learn your ideal number of sleep hours as well as the optimal times to catch them," she says. "Your body is giving you data if you listen closely."

When it comes to resolutions for food and fitness, most of the goals we set for ourselves aren't sustainable because they're too aggressive and put us at risk for a disordered lifestyle of obsessive eating and exercise, says Alexa Shank, LPC, therapist and owner of Relief & Recovery Psychotherapy in Houston, Texas.

Instead, she recommends implementing daily gratitude affirmations about your body.

"By saying out loud to yourself what you are thankful for and why (e.g. 'I'm thankful that my belly carried my children'), you are rewiring your brain to focus on the positive aspects of your body image and less on the negative aspects," she says.

When you feel better about your body, you're more motivated to treat it better, which includes naturally being more active and tuning in to its satiety clues, which can help prevent overeating.

"By saying out loud to yourself what you are thankful for and why, you are rewiring your brain to focus on the positive aspects of your body image and less of the negative aspects."

Long days and nights spent with your significant other makes it more likely you'll take out your frustration on each other, Tessina says.

This year, she advises that the moment you begin feeling edgy, take a break, whether it's a solitary walk around the block, closing yourself in your private space (you can even use the bathroom as a refuge) or journaling to let off steam.

If none of that is possible, you can de-escalate the situation by taking three deep breaths.

"This brings in plenty of oxygen, which helps burn adrenaline and instantly calms you down," she says. "It's a simple exercise, but it promotes kindness, which is the WD-40 of relationships. When you think not only about your own feelings, but your partner's, it goes a long way towards making your relationship run smoothly."

If you're feeling like your romantic relationship has suffered in the last year, consider committing to more joy this year.

"Shoot for four mini dates per week for about two hours, where you focus on providing affection, cultivating emotional intimacy and doing something fun, like going for a hike or bike ride," says Wyatt Fisher, PsyD, a psychologist and marriage counselor in Boulder, Colorado.

If you don't quite have time for the above, even shorter or fewer dates is better than nothing, especially if you feel like you're harboring resentment toward your partner.

Fisher also recommends vowing to sit down and air your grievances toward one another once a week to work through those peeves. Start by acknowledging how your partner has improved on the area you have resentment toward, then make your complaint without using words such as "you," "always" or "never," which can cause your significant other to become defensive.

Then, have your partner summarize the complaint to ensure they heard it correctly, search for the kernel of truth in it that they can own without excuses, empathize with how it's made you feel, then apologize and suggest some changes so it doesn't happen again.

This year, make a resolution to develop a new relationship with a safe, supportive person.

"Developing relationships as adults isn't always easy," says Saba Lurie, LMFT, a Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist.

But given how overwhelmed the world can make us feel, it's important to stay connected.

"Safe and supportive people can help us feel anchored, and maintaining connections can help us get through," Lurie says.

Consider folks you have met in the past: maybe someone you were curious about, or someone who you felt particularly at ease around. Then consider how you would want to start deepening that relationship.

"It could be as simple as a quick text that they crossed your mind and you were wondering how they were doing," Lurie says.

From there, you can ask questions about how they've been coping, and you can share your experiences as well. Feel like you've achieved a rapport? Ask them now if they'd be open to going on a walk or meeting for a cocktail or a meal, to continue to establish your new friendship.

"Our minds need breaks," says Paul Greene, PhD, a psychologist in New York City. "But so often during the day, we're on a computer or a phone or watching TV."

While these are all OK to do, he notes, it's important to spend some time each day doing absolutely nothing — which means sitting, standing or walking without reading, watching or listening to anything.

"Meditation is the best type of 'do-nothing' time because it helps us get better at not having an activity in a given moment, which in turn improves anxiety," Greene says.

He recommends gradually increasing your 'do-nothing' time — start with five minutes and see if you can incrementally build up to an hour every day.

"If it feels uncomfortable, that's a sign you need to do it," he says.

Dealing with mental health issues on your own can be daunting. If you've felt more anxious or have experienced feelings of sadness/depression within the last few years, talk to your primary care doctor or a trusted medical professional about taking a depression or anxiety screening.

The most commonly used screening is the PHQ-9 (the ninth edition of the Patient Health Questionnaire), according to a January 2020 article in the ‌Journal of Primary Care & Community Health.‌

From there, your doctor may be able to refer you to a therapist or psychiatrist to help you navigate your mental health concerns in a safe and supportive environment.

By making your mental health a priority this year, you are improving your chances of a better quality of life — physically, emotionally, socially and more.