Surprisingly, your toddler does not misbehave to embarrass or perplex, even if her most recent tantrum gained undivided attention from two of your neighbors and a condescending co-worker. Still not convinced? The egocentric toddler usually wishes to demonstrate her independence, practice new skills and fulfill her own needs. It is the toddler's emerging, often inadequate, skills, rather than you, that ignite and incite her frustration. According to Jay L. Hoecker, M.D., an emeritus pediatrics specialist at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., toddlers respond to strategies that reinforce positive behavior.
Create Predictable Routines
Toddlers demonstrate fewer behavioral meltdowns when they know what to expect from a clearly defined routine. Adhere to a daily routine of predictable meals, a bath, snacks, naps and bedtime as much as possible. Talk to your child about events and needs that require a deviation from the routine. Setting limits is a critical component of the toddler's routine. Emphasize rules that relate to safety issues first and gradually add other rules. Setting limits gives your toddler a dependable safety net and provides you with opportunities to model positive responses to frustration.
Provide Reasonable Choices
Permitting your toddler to make choices serves multiple purposes. Provide your child with independence by allowing her to make reasonable choices and validate her self-esteem by praising her selection. For example, let your toddler decide between two dresses, pick a play activity or select a story for bedtime. Distract your child or diffuse an impending tantrum by presenting choices.
Monitor Your Own Behavior
Toddlers acquire new skills through observational learning. The American Academy of Pediatrics reports that monitoring how you express anger is a preferred method for teaching your toddler anger management skills. Expect your child to emulate the positive and negative behaviors in his environment. Everyone who participates in caring for your child is a potential role model. Remember that someone important and impressionable observes your actions and listens to your words.
When to Seek Help
An ebb and flow of toddler misbehavior is common and usually causes parents little more than feelings of frustration. However, some behaviors signal that your toddler may need help from her pediatrician or mental health specialist. The American Academy of Pediatrics indicates that warning signs include physical injury to herself or others, assaults on you or other adults, and an increase in the frequency of serious behavior problems. Consult with your toddler's pediatrician to determine the need for a behavior management program designed by a mental health specialist. Behavior management programs assist children with significant behavioral issues that do not respond to other interventions.
