When elderly parents are no longer able to live independently, bringing them to live with you in your home is usually less expensive than assisted living or nursing home care. A USA Today-Gallup poll found that 41 percent of baby boomers say they are providing some degree of financial and/or personal care for an aging parent. Eight percent of those surveyed indicated that their parents have moved in with them. Bringing an aging parent to live with you can elicit feelings of excitement and anxiety both, as the role of caregiving can be a challenging, yet rewarding, experience.
Choices
As parents age and become sick and disabled due to declining health, often they can no longer live alone. The choice to bring an elderly parent to live with you may be made during a time of extreme stress, usually following a medical emergency such as stroke, a fall or the diagnosis of a chronic illness. Yet no matter how much you might want to help, this choice is not always right for everyone. In most families, daughters and daughters-in-law assume the burden of care. If both you and your spouse work, and an elderly parent needs constant supervision, you might have to hire help in the home or quit your job. Either way, this can create financial problems for your own family. In addition to finances, it can be physically exhausting and emotionally frightening caring for an aging parent.
Role Reversal
Although a survey by the National Alliance of Caregiving shows that at least 22 million households in the U.S. involve family caregivers, the economic savings should not be the only concern. While unpaid caregivers of elderly relatives report spending more than 20 hours each week helping out, another thing to consider when thinking about bringing an aging parent to live with you is the emotional impact the change can have. The role reversal that occurs in having an aging parent come live with you can bring on tensions of its own. Parents frequently feel guilty and resentful when they find that their children must take care of them. They may see themselves as a burden or be unable to cope with losing their independence.
Disadvantages
A parent's health is a huge factor in determining whether you can provide round the clock care. In many cases, adult children older than 50 have health issues of their own. Cohabitation also depends on the strength of your relationship. If you did not get along well with your parents before, chances are you may not get along well having a parent live with you in your home. Another factor to take into account is whether you really have room in your home. You must also ask yourself if your family's household income can afford the added expenses related to moving in an elderly parent.
Benefits
If you do decide to bring an elderly parent or parents to live with you, there can be benefits for both sides. One of the major advantages of having your elderly parent live with you in your home is that you will know what quality of care he or she is receiving. A primary benefit for your parent is the money she can save by living with you. Besides no longer needing to maintain a home of her own, an elderly parent may not have to spend as much on home health services. A report published by the AARP estimates that care provided to aging parents by family members totaled about $350 billion in 2006. That's more than the government spent on Medicare in the previous year. Having a parent live with you can have tax benefits for you. If an elderly parent or parents become your dependents, this could save you thousands of dollars in tax liability each year.
Prevention/Solution
Include your spouse and children in any decision-making. Having an elderly parent come to live with you will affect their lives, too. You are doing this to help alleviate a difficult situation, so you don't want the move to make anyone in the household miserable. If you plan things out carefully beforehand, the change should go better for everyone.
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