If you suspect your husband is cheating on you, you will no doubt be feeling a whole range of emotions: anger, sadness, confusion and despair. Before you take the significant step of asking him if he is having an affair, make sure you are as sure as you can be that he is playing away. If you accuse him of something he hasn't done, you will come across as paranoid and insecure.
Watch out for a decrease in your husband's sex drive. If he's getting it from another woman, he might be less likely to initiate sex with you, suggests Gary Newman in "The Truth About Cheating."
Ask to borrow your husband's cell phone. If he gets nervous and flustered, or comes up with a reason not to give it to you, you have every right to be suspicious. If he had nothing to hide, he would hand his phone to you without a second thought. Observe his behavior when he receives a phone call or a text message. Warning signs include him not answering calls in your presence, or making an excuse to go out right after reading a text.
Consider how your husband acts when the two of you are alone together. If he appears bored, distracted or withdrawn, something is wrong. He may make excuses not to spend time alone with you, or cancel arrangements at short notice. He may be irritable, evasive and defensive when you quiz him about his plans, says private investigator Thomas G. Martin in "If Only You Knew."
Look for changes in his schedule. If he suddenly has to work late every night, or takes a lot more business trips than normal, this could be a sign that something untoward is going on. Judge how easy it is for you to get in touch with him while he is supposedly at the office or on a work trip. His failure to respond to your calls or messages should set off alarm bells.
Be aware of changes in his approach to your finances. He may withdraw large amounts of money from the ATM, but be unable to tell you what he spends it on. He may hide bank statements from you, or even have a separate account to fund his affair, says Martin.
Listen to your instincts. If you think something is going on even if you don't have any proof, chances are you are right. Don't ignore your sixth sense, advises Neuman.
- The Truth About Cheating; Gary Neuman
- Martin Investigative Services: Cheating Spouse Signs