How to Have Self-Confidence in a Relationship

Developing your sense of self-confidence in a relationship may be difficult if you have a low sense of self-esteem or have been hurt in previous relationships. However, a healthy sense of self-confidence will not only enhance your relationship but also improve your health, ability to deal with stress and overall emotional well-being, notes authors Melinda Smith, Robert Segal and Jeanne Segel, writing for Improve your self-confidence and your confidence level in your relationship by following a few simple steps.

Young couple kissing in a hallway. (Image: ERproductions Ltd/Blend Images/Getty Images)

Step 1

Believe in your own value. Having a sense of self-worth makes you more attractive to your partner. Do something to develop your sense of confidence. Whether you make a change to your physical appearance and get a new haircut, learn a new activity or take up a new sport, putting forth effort to boost your confidence will help build your confidence within your relationship.

Step 2

See yourself as an individual. Don't try to completely merge with your partner, which can destroy your sense of self. According to psychologist Sol Gordon, in his book "How Can You Tell If You're Really in Love?", it's best if you learn to be on your own and feel self-reliant before establishing a relationship with another person.

Step 3

Focus on the positive. According to psychologist Judy Kuriansky in her book "The Complete Idiot's Guide to a Healthy Relationship," positive self-talk will help you build self-confidence. Focus on your partner's positive qualities. Don't criticize him--offer compliments and reassurance and the chances are higher that you will receive the same from him.

Step 4

Be aware of what constitutes a healthy relationship. Make sure your partner treats you with respect and courtesy. Don't settle for constant criticism or negative behaviors.

Step 5

Develop your own interests. Do things without your partner from time to time. Similarly, do fun and enjoyable activities with your partner. According to author Gordon, people who feel the most lucky in their love relationships are often the ones who say they can do things both together and apart.

Step 6

Reveal something embarrassing about yourself to your partner. According to Kuriansky, sharing secrets or things you are ashamed about with your partner can be helpful in establishing a feeling of security and intimacy. Self-disclosure is fundamental to a healthy relationship and can enhance your confidence in each other.

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